Changing Tides

There are times I sit wondering if I'm on the right path. Typically I know the direction I am going and pathways aren't that difficult to decipher. However, at times I find myself distracted by something or someone and the question becomes, "Is this still right for me?"

When you throw your heart and soul into anything, leaving it is destined to be heartbreaking. Whether it is a broken relationship, a business venture gone wrong, or a project that works beautifully but one in which you are no longer a fit with the future vision. Your heart may shatter at the understanding that you are reaching your exit point, and that's okay. It hurts to say goodbye to what we have loved. But it is important to know and recognize life will continue with or without one person's investment in anything. That is the beauty of motion.

The ripples of existence are many. They ebb and flow and we each of us simply need to find our own path and the people who truly want to walk beside us. This life is far too short to walk alongside those who would prefer you walk elsewhere. 

There are many paths to discover and follow, but I'm tired of walking... Perhaps I'll just sit quietly along the side and watch the world spin a spell. And then, perchance, the path I long for will simply find me. Oh, to dream such a nonsensical dream, for paths can never come to us, we must discover them!

And so I strap my hiking boots on and prepare for another walk through the wilderness as tears of anger, exhaustion, bitterness, and disappointment stream silently down my face. I'd not planned for this new excursion but I will tackle it and by the time the morrow comes, I will have vanquished these raw, negative emotions and forged them into something positive with which I can move forward at a better, more dedicated pace. 

For truth remains, life carries on with or without me, however, to fully find joy I must discover a life in which I am a welcomed and useful part of some collective living process.  Otherwise, what is the point of living at all...

The Darkness & Flame

There is an encompassing, embracing darkness which can swallow one whole if allowed to persist in the heart and work outward through the soul. And it is easily done. Especially as one becomes ever jaded with continued heartbreaks, heartaches, and soul-wrenching defeats. 

I often wonder how one keeps hope alive at all. What is it within certain beings which forces the eternal spark to constantly flicker no matter how black the night... or day?

Possibly it is the ability to dance amongst the trees beneath a starry sky as a humming stream keeps time nearby. Perhaps it is the constant music which plays about one's inner ears allowing the ugliness of the world to shimmer and fade away into a pale oblivion. Or perchance it is simply the secret dream that one day penance for whatever unknown misstep will finally be complete and a sense of personal happiness can finally be realized.

It's difficult to say, but whatever the case... the spark remains, therefore true darkness does not fully exist and the fire remains. And I suppose in the end, well, that at least, is something to which to hold firmly fast. For it may be the one thing which holds the encompassing, embracing darkness at bay...

Monday Philosophies

Everything is patterns. Whether good or bad, the world works in a rhythm.

Seasons turn, life progresses, love fades (or deepens if you're one of the luckier few), and humanity soldiers onward, somehow forgetting the lessons of the ancestors. 

I often wonder at the point of it all only to realize that is the point of it... the aimless wandering about. Some are fortunate enough to find beauty in the simplicity of the imperfections and meaningless ramblings which bring true meaning to our very existence. We form relationships which feel nonsensical but somehow create a sense of internal security and fulfillment whilst others pull deeper into self-loathing and seclusion because the thought of another broken bond is too great a risk to wager against one's delicate soul.

I'm never quite certain into which category I fit... I tend to secretely straddle both schools of thought as my experiences have left me rather battered and bruised whilst my ever pulsating heart fire and spirit somehow keep me hopeful. I pray I never lose that spark. I rather like it...

At any rate~ Each day is fresh and until it's soured, it's often best to treat it as such. Or so my personal philosophy tells me;)

The Midnight Walkabout

Off I wander~ dancing, spinning, singing, and floating away into the madness that is night. Blackness surrounded in halos of lighted misty magic play about my feet and I smile because I'm not sure there is a better time of day. The sounds of silence mingle together with all the typical evening sounds to create a rhapsody of sheer delight. One could easily become lost in the simplistic beauty of it all, and I gladly do just that. In fact, I could walk into the forever on evenings such as this. 

Perhaps I will... 

A Song and Dance Philosophy...

Living is not an easy business. We walk about in a fog pressed down by an overwhelming and encompassing weight of one sort or another most days. It can become quite easy to get lost in the messiness of it all and feel a bit hopeless in regard to the actual meaning of things.

But to me, it is the very messiness that holds true meaning. The vibrant colours of unrest, struggle, survival, and heartache bring all which is good to a much stronger perception when fully felt.

There is music in all aspects of existence from failure to success and finding the dance for every moment is the essence of survival. It may not always be easy... but after all, easy tends to be the equivalent of taking the amazing for granted. 

I must admit, however, there are many a day when I dream of a simpler path than the one I currently stumble over. I find moments of longing for a more bearable journey on such dark days, but as the emptiness of my heart grows instead of stopping the proverbial hike to sink into a black currant melancholia, I simply look up and out across the parallel matrix of the pathways surrounding me. As I do this, I do my upmost to make eye contact with my heart family and in their warmth I find the strength to smile knowing I truly do know love.  And then I dance. I crank the gramophone so loud the trees shake and the world disappears from view. I can no longer see the troubles surrounding me, only the dance. So I keep dancing until my own uphill battle no longer seems a chore. 

For it is in music I find escape, healing, and even redemption. Music is a power beyond words, beyond all the senses. It conquers the heart and mind simultaneously and very few magics in life can boast that feat. A genre exists for every mood, every hope, every dream, and every devastation. A chord can transport and ground instantly, whilst a tune holds the very power to keep one's soul fire brightly burning when all other forces are set to extinguish the beautiful glow. 

Music has been, is, and shall remain my life's blood. It courses through me like electric through lines. I feel a deep sadness for those who have not found the power of a song for I am uncertain how they survive the daily nonsense of it all. And it is for them I share the sheer genius of this tune. It embodies my feelings about music beautifully, and perhaps in it, they will discover a magic all their own to survive the next dark day...

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My Bed Morning HappySad

Laying in my bed brings a bittersweet happiness to this clunky old heart of mind. 

You see, I adore the softeness of the pillows, the bouncy spring of the mattress pad, and I find absolute delight when rolling from one side to the other or laying catty corner or topsy-turvy. But the bitter smacks my face full on as I constantly feel the naggling bit of a waste-away each time I am laying about here. 

I know I should be doing other things~ but I've no desire to do them. I simply want to lay in this brilliantly ginormous bed and hideaway from the world and everything in it. But I can't... I know I can't. So in the end, I shan't... but I will remain for now. Beneath the quilts and sheets and pillows, I shall Hide! For ten minutes more, at any rate... just ten blasted minutes more... *sighs*

And so my day begins anew. The Bitter wins, but I'll tuck him up and keep the Sweetness about my mouth instead for my honey is far, far sweeter and no one needs know of the vinegar but me. 

Pip pip cheerio and all good things! To the newness of standing;) May your day be honey-filled brightness...

Dancing Raindrop Memories...

Certain songs conjure certain moments, certain individuals, and at times even certain films or television shows. It's this way for most everyone... at least I hope it is:-) Life would be a dull path otherwise...

I watched a ridiculously nonsensical film today filled with songs smacking of histories and magical ridiculousness from my own past lives. And it made me chuckle to dance and remember things almost forgotten, but not quite.

Gangsta's Paradise filled the surrounds as the credit score and how anyone could resist dancing to such a tune, whilst visions of Michelle Pfeiffer and Weird Al Yankovich danced about the mind, I've no idea! If such a person exists, he/she is made of far firmer stuff than I am; and so, I danced! But as I danced with the monkeyjoes, my mind also formed around a White House barely held together by nails and glue. Floorboards creaking and filled to the rafters with dancing happiness, it sang every Friday night during the very best Rent Parties Millersville ever saw in the mid-90s! And oh, to dance the night away there was bliss...

I adore the dance! Any and all dancing brings me solace and inexpressible joy. 

I always laugh as I dance with the monkeys over the beds and tables of our home for it makes life so much the better. Having Pandora cranking out a mix of randomness from Mills Brothers to Vampire Weekend to Bob Dylan allows a randomness of happy moment possibilities to occur.

All music reminds me of moments. Whether the moments are vintage or have yet to happen is the pure deliciousness of being... and I relish such living. Knowing the bleakness of all things dark within one's current standing can be washed away by a song, a moment, a dance... it keeps the inner fires alive like nothing else ever could. 

And so I am off to dance in the rain and escape the noise within the walls of my own making... if I am lucky, a pirate may find me and dance me off into oblivion;) Here's to the very hope of it... 

"Suicide Is Painless"...

is the title to the popular theme song from the television series M*A*S*H*. However, most individuals have no idea of the actual words which were only used during the film version... but I have known them for as long as I can remember because the song itself is one of my favourites. I've found myself longing to hear this song in its entirety as of late due to current world politics.  So I am attaching a favourite video of it towards the end.

I will not comment much on the topic because it is personal and I have family and friends whom I love and support with all my being. They serve their nation every day in various forms. I have watched flags drape more coffins than I care to share, and my family has a history of such flags hanging about homes showing respect and gratitude from a grateful nation, which I sometimes feel may not be as grateful as it could be considering the price often paid. I respect these families and lives and their hearts of loving service. My comments here are not meant to deplete such. They are strictly marked to the horrors of War itself and the driving politics which often drive such Wars... politics which rarely consider the beauty and gift these precious lives are willing to give so freely and without question, to individuals who often take for granted the costs of their own daily living. And with that disclaimer behind me, I offer the following:

War to me has always meant death. Death to the men and women sent to fight. Death to the men and women asked to defend. And Death to the civilians caught in the crossfire. 

It matters not if you agree with a war,  if you oppose war, or if you claim to hold no opinion whatsoever on war. War results in death. 

It matters not if a war is considered righteous or senseless. War means death. 

It holds no relevance if war is "justified" or "necessary" or "valid". Every death is a death mourned by a mother who grew that tiny being within her body, cherishing it and loving it to the fruition of fulfilled humanity! And whilst war may not always be unavoidable, it should never be taken lightly or joyously or happily for all lives are loved lives by someone. And death is death... That is the one certainty war offers! 

Death is the unavoidable fact holding constant for every side. And every side believes itself to be in the right of things... But there can be no true winners of War. 
Just something rattling my mind the past few days... I wrote this post using a post I originally published on another site in September of 2007. Time seems to change very little in world politics, eh?

 Perhaps I can finally get a bit of sleep now... Goodnight.

Apollo's Reign Over Diana's Child...

Laying upon the trampoline watching the clouds roll by, I see a millenia of broken moments and choices blended gently against the sky... the magic which might have been alongside that which remains to be seen conglomerating into a colorful array of streaks and prisms suddenly becomes what some refer to as the setting sun.

I watch souls searching aimlessly amongst the burnt umber rays for lost seconds whilst losing sight of the true treasures before them. They reach for a fool's gold instead of all the amazement within their grasp and never notice it flutter silently past like autumn leaves from splintered branches only to become forever lost in a sea of distant 'what-if' breezes.

Regret. What a nonsensically meaningless, haunting and tormenting, worthless sense of being. Such a state of mind does not belong within a heart but instead should be willingly released toward the beauty of the sinking sun. 

Nothing will ever be gained by trying to capture faded glimmers of sunlight. New rainbows of colour paint the sky each morrow, there is no need to hold fleeting memories of a past that never was.

Which is why I choose to live my life by facing the East toward each new Dawn with those I cherish most in the here and now. I remember each decision from my personal path have led me to the brilliance of the very moment in which I currently stand. And I refuse to hold fast to any Dream of a Non-Existent Possibility because my eyes are always gazing upon the gorgeous array of living colours painting the Eastern and Western skies. Faded mind prints hold no value for they can not keep the soul's inner fire alight as they host a sun long dead. 

But what do I truly know of such things... I am, after all, a child of the Moon;)